Welcome
By the time you finish reading this you will be DEAD… kidding! You are definitely going to die though, only not right now… hopefully! When or how we are going to die is often unknown, but we know it’s going to happen, death is as intrinsic as life. One of the few things we know for certain in this world is that we are born, we live, we die, and that’s the plan. What a fuckin party. Even though death is one of those universal truths I think we sometimes forget about it, well at least I did. I had completely forgotten about death until my mother died. I had watched plenty of Disney movies and thought “that’s the sort of thing that can only happen to princesses, it could never happen to me”, but I was wrong. My mom super died and I wasn’t ready, guess that’s on me. Or is it? I’ll figure it out later.
On that note, welcome to the Dead Mothers Club.
If your mother is dead too, good. Well not good but what I mean to say is you have come to the right place. If you’re a mom-ghost, you’re in the wrong place and I’m sorry for the confusion. This is not a club for dead mothers, it is a club for those they left behind, as well as for those they are going to leave behind. Yes, even those of you who still have your mothers are welcome because she is going to die eventually.
Even though the reason for this club’s existence sucks, it’s really great when you’re here. No one can laugh in the face of tragedy like the motherless can, and if you can’t laugh at that which is most fucked up about life then what is the point? I was welcomed to the DMC by my colleague, Eric, upon first returning to work after mother died and it was the most comforting thing anyone has ever said to me, “welcome to the Dead Mothers Club”. Why? Maybe because it’s the true language of grief, “welcome to the suck, I’m here too, not much to be done about it” as opposed to the “I’m so sorry”s, and “how are you holding up”s, and “I can only imagine”s, and “ I can see you’re still hurting”s, and everybody SHUT UP. It’s weird that people stare at you and your grief from the outside, but don’t worry, now you’re here, be mad, sad, or happy about it, feel however you want and be whoever you want to be. Things may not be alright for awhile or ever again but at least we have each other.
Which brings me to the main point, Dead Mothers Club Podcast. I’m hoping to use this podcast as a tool to get to know who all of you in the DMC are and personally welcome you to the club. I’m super curious, who are you? How is your grief process going? How did it all go down? Who is helping you through? What is helping you through? Were you suddenly gay after? Tell me all your stories! Sorry, PLEASE tell me all your stories, I know this is no small ask. These stories are incredibly precious and can be really scary to share. It’s taken me 5 years to even start the process of this podcast. It’s hard to tell a story when you’re still living it, because the grief you are experiencing is never ending. It’s hard to say that things get better, but I will say the depression has become less crippling.
So, come join the fun, be a guest on the pod, send me an email, or leave a voicemail. Share your story, ask me questions, or both. Once this club grows a little bit, it would be great to speak with spiritual leaders about death, psychologists and counselors about grief, and with anyone who has intriguing notions on what happens after we die, how we can cope, and is there any way to prepare? I’m coming at this from a place of 0 religious affiliation, 0 experience with support groups, and a severe lack of therapy. My heart and mind are open, let’s get into it.